Saturday, December 29, 2012

A Little Piece of My Life

I want to kindly introduce someone special in my life. As you may not know, I have recently-ish had a new sister. She is a year and a half old and means a lot to me! For about 19 years of my life I grew up not having any relatives and it was only my mom, dad, and I.

After 15 years of having just us three as a family, my dad passed away. It tremendously took a toll on my mom and a lot worst on me. To be honest, he wasn't my REAL father. But after being left from my real dad, he came in our life and changed it for the better! He shared such a connection with me that I just started calling him my dad. He literally saved us from a horrid life and I cannot thank him for the difference he made in my life. I was only 4 at that time and yet 11 years of having him as a dad was one of the greatest things my mother could allow my life to have. Unfortunately in 2007, he passed away and my world turned upside down. I really didn't have the time to mourn when he passed away because  I had to be the stronger person in my family that only now consisted of two. Wow, just us two. Some say two is not a lonely number, but with just my mom and I, it felt the most lonesome number. I couldn't believe he was gone, that in just a second all the memories and all the life in one person could dissipate. That it could take the brightest light and extinguish it in a matter of a second.

 My dad who was just promoted to Gunnery Sergeant in the Marine Corps and was such a determined and distinguished worker, friend, and father just slipped away. Out of everyone I had to be strong for my mom. I had to withstand all the pain of losing a dad and having to comfort my mom without any tears. They say mourning is part of a healthy process. I didn't have that specific time to mourn. Not in the eyes of my family. Over the next years, my mother and I's relationship would diminish slowly and painfully. I guess my mother's way of dealing with my dad's death was to change everything. We moved out of our house into an extravagant neighborhood and bought a new car. At some extent, I was happy for her. But drastic changes like these weren't healthy. In a way it made things worse. But I didn't have the courage to step up and say anything, because it was her mourning process. Fortunately she took comfort in a new boyfriend, which brought her some happiness. As long as he made her happy that is all that mattered. But I was left unhappy. Our best friend relationship was destroyed by the fact that we both lost someone so dear. It hurt so much more when I had to face the reality on my own.

 I was only 16 and I had to do this on my own. I do not know how it happened, but somehow I found someone to love too. I found an arm to lean on and a love that has grown until today. Thomas Gruel. He helped me so much during all these times. Not only Thomas, but his family also. They took me in as their own and treated me as if I was their daughter as well. Some how I felt like Dad knew what I was going through and helped guide me to this family.

Honestly up to this point, they still treat me with such warm hearts. Like their own child they buy things for me, shop with me, comfort me, and love me endlessly! As time went by my mother and I just grew apart, to the point I was told to move out after I graduated high school. I was left on my own again. My second family had to pick up the pieces my mom left behind. They helped me with college and supported me. Without them I don't really know what I would of done because I was so close to giving up. They kept me from retaliating and they helped me become more determined!

So as I got into college, that's when it hit me the most. The mourning had begun and I was feeling every single pain. It basically hit me like a bus and I didn't know how to deal with all of it. All the pain that was suppressed for this long just couldn't hold out any longer. It just seeped through. I wasn't ready for it and I didn't know what to do. I think it was the fact that my mom and I didn't have a close relationship anymore and I felt alone. Not only did I lose my dad but also my mom. I didn't have anyone left to hold me in place and no more guidance. Yes I did have Thomas's parents but it is never the same. You still feel like you're alone even when people keep telling you otherwise.

My mom and dad!

It was now 2011 when everything changed AGAIN. After so long of fighting against everything, I reached out to my mother because I just needed her. I was hurting so bad that my grades (from being a straight A student) began to fall apart. I needed to re-patch our relationship for my health physically and mentally. I had to be the bigger person. So I did. It was a little rough in the beginning but still had to be done. She gave birth to a baby girl named Scarlett Jewel. Honestly that was one of the greatest things to witness. A new addition to the family of my mom, her boyfriend, and I. I think that was what really glued my mom and I's relationship; my sister.

In my mind, I didn't want her to grow up not knowing she had a sister. Unlike me, I had 3 half siblings in which I still have not yet met. I wanted to be in my little sisters life so I could be there every step of the way. I was there for many of the first and some I unfortunately missed out but nonetheless I was glad to be there as long as I have. I don't know if this is weird, but I feel as if she's my baby girl as well. I know there's a big difference between mother's love but she's like mine too. I mean many girls are mothers by 19, and I'm like her mommy too in a way. I've spent so many times taking care of her when my mom was gone. I've had to teach her things, cuddle her, put her to sleep and bathe her. So yes, I feel as if im her mommy too. She has called me momma various times but I have to remind her I am "Ate" (meaning sister in tagalog). I love her regardless and she's just quite a gift in my life. I am so happy to be her big sister and thank God I have another chance to rekindle my relationship with my mom and this family.



Well I hope y'all enjoyed a little part of my story!
xoxo Your Southern Pearl

Friday, December 21, 2012


Over the years of my life, I have grown to adore cinematography as a whole. With it being used for wedding videos or music videos, I have found it to be beautiful and inspiring in a way. I find it to have such a metaphor in life and I don't know if it's just me but filming something to depict your perspective on a specific thing seems a little magical to me. Watching different music videos on youtube for as long as I can remember, some just go beyond the standards and reach out to me. I have always had a fascination of watching videos for songs and seeing how it portrays the story of the lyrics. Some just have NOTHING to do with the song and then there are some that just goes beyond what they should and tell the story so thoroughly! I guess it's been a hobby of mine to watch the music videos of songs or artists I take fascination over. One recent one I've watched is 'The One That Got Away' by Katy Perry. In the beginning of the video you watch as an old woman reminisces on old fond memories she holds deep within her! And then it goes through series of memories she has as a young teen, head over heels in love with this artist. But as you can see she never ends up with him but instead ends with a life that she just has to live through. By the end of the video you see that the lover is gone and she has to deal with the fact that it's now just memories of the past.

After viewing this music video, I just absolutely start feeling a little sorrow and sadness. I mean, you find love only to end up not with him!? And here I am left wanting to know more about this story! This is why I love cinematography oh-so much, because I get to watch beautiful pieces that tell a great story. Sometimes I am even left crying because it reaches out to me and I'm left with sudden feelings of despair that its over. Haha, yes I know I am such a geek for it but I just love finding the beauty in simple things!!!! Other videos such as 'I Knew You Were Trouble' by Taylor Swift has such great cinematography, and depicts the heartache of some of us young girls who fall for bad boys. In the end, it's all the same. We are left picking up the pieces after these guys leave us in the dust. Phew---- thank God that even though its happen to numerous girls like us, we do end up with a great ending! With a diamond ring on my left hand and plans waiting for me to proceed, I honestly got to say if it wasn't for that 'bad boy', I wouldn't have found my Prince Charming!!!

So some other videos to watch if you're interested:
Love The Way You Lie - Eminem & Rihanna
Stolen - Dashboard Confessional
Wide Awake - Katy Perry
Everytime - Britney Spears
Just A Dream - Carrie Underwood
Give Me Love - Ed Sheeran *****
Stranger - Hilary Duff
Last Farewell - Big Bang

Hope you enjoy the videos!
XOXO Your Southern Pearl <3

Thursday, December 20, 2012

America, the Beautiful.

Happy Christmas Break College viewers! And Happy Holidays to everyone!!!! Let's all take the time to just take a breather after I successfully passed this semester's exams! Thank God, I survived the whole week of constantly staying up for long hours without coffee or anything. So last night, my mom and I planted ourselves to the catch to cheer and represent Ms. Philippines! Y'all might not know this but I am 100% Filipino but have lived in the US since I was four! Sadly, I do not know how to speak my native tongue, I can at least understand when people speak tagalog to me (weird, right?!). To honestly say, I kind of rock the best of both worlds!! Although I am not at all 'white', I can say that I am American and Filipino at the same time. I'm in the middle of both of the great cultures of America and Philippines! It's just awesome to know I'm surrounded by multiculturalism, in which helped me choose the right sorority for me! But anyways as I was saying, my mom and I were watching Miss Universe like any other year. Truthfully, I think these major pageants are quite fascinating and also inspiring! These women have dedicated their time into making the best of themselves. They're beautiful and work hard to where they are now! I mean, I give them so much props for walking down the runway with high heels! I can barely walk on my two flat feet without tripping on myself. Clumsy, is my name! And their confidence goes beyond the roof! By the end of the night it came down to two countries that took me by surprise. I never expected USA and Philippines so be the last to stand before the final title call. Who would of thought that the two countries that have influenced my life would stand fighting for Ms. Universe???? And as the anxiety grew, they announced the winner to be Ms. USA! I honestly couldnt be any more happy for the results. I live in a country with many freedoms and great fooooood! And I couldn't be more proud for growing up in a beautiful country such as America! In honor of the US winning, I paired my sheer blouse and pearls with a vintage American sweater! Happy winnings!!

xoxo Your Southern Pearl <3